Fug Friday: Damn It! It's Not A Snood!

It's a cowl. Cowl. Get it right, Bernat.

Fug Friday: Ugliest Necklace

Joy! There's an annual Ugly Necklace Contest!

Witness above: the 2006 Winner. Truly an ugly necklace—though could it be uglier? If you think you can take this one on, there's still time to enter the 2007 contest!

Fug Friday: Needs a New Model

Or, at the very least, Bernat needs a better art director. You know, someone who realizes that dressing this woman in all pastel colors and having her pose the way she does makes her look like an elf. And not a good, happy elf, but the type of elf you'd edge cautiously around and refuse any candy or other sweets from.

Fug Friday: Bernat...Then and Now

Awhile back, I wrote: "Bernat is the king (or queen) of terrible patterns—at least patterns that are free."

I take it all back. Someone actually paid retail price for this pattern booklet. Granted, this took place years before I was born, but still...what a poor fool. Even in the 70's, one would think potential customers would be put off by the unhappy kid's expression that clearly says: "Good God, get me the hell away from these freaky people and out of these freaky clothes or I will bite off this woman's nose right here and now!"

Fug Friday: Balaclava for the Whole Family

These hideous knitted facial monstrosities known as "balaclavas" freak me out to the point of nightmarish fits of sleep. But then, I suppose Halloween is just around the corner. There's still plenty of time to download the patterns and knit one of these "bad boys" up.

Fug Friday: More of His Dirty Patch

Two things a tie should never be:

  1. Knitted in any shape or form.
  2. Patchworked in any shape or form.

Two things a man should never wear:

  1. This man's pants, especially when paired with an unmatched blazer.
  2. This man's tie.

Fug Friday: Filthy Hippie Bibs

Because I primarily knit, I slam enough fugly knitting patterns. It's time to give crochet some lovin', especially now that I've completed a scarf and a half entirely in crochet (pictures to come soonish).

Fug Friday: You Bad, Bad 80s

Bernat is the king (or queen) of terrible patterns—at least patterns that are free. Here's another beauty from their website: the "Super Scarf", or "Super-Mega-80s-Acid-Reflux Scarf".

Fug Friday: Step on Spider

Nothing more tasteful than a macrame plant hanger with a big ol' demon-eyed spider hanging off a branch.

Fug Friday: Vintage Granny

The thing that amuses me the most is that they considered it "granny" even in the 70s.

I'm also perplexed by the bottom right corner. What the hell is going on there? Why isn't it uniform with the rest of the quilt?

Fug Friday: Fun Fur Fugs

Fun fur has one purpose in life: to be used for stuffed animals. Fun fur. Animals have fur. Get it? If you must insist on using it for anything other than stuffed animals, please use it sparingly. Otherwise, I will be forced to send my ninja assassin squad after you. Now, on to the specimens:

Flip flops, complete with a matching scrunchie.

While fun fur is evil, so are ponchos. So how does one define the act of combining the two and then stuffing your kid in them?

Fug Friday: Cookiessssessss

In memorium of the glorius You Knit What??—whose unfortunate passing has given rise to Fug Fridays—I present you with this fine piece of craftsmanship linked from the comments of their farewell post:

The "Super~FUZZY~MOHAIR & ANGORA~sweater~PANTS with FEET" was up for auction on Ebay by UK seller, the-mohairknitter. What concerns me the most is that 1.) someone bought it, and 2.) said someone is presumably going to wear it.

Oh, and it has a matching sweater!


Fug Fridays!

I just found out that one of my favorite sites, You Knit What?? has passed on to the depths of website death. It's a very sad thing, indeed. And even though a You Knit What - Part Two has popped up while the original was still in it's last death throes, it's just not the same.

So to honor my many months of joy from this wonderful website, I hereby chirsten Fug Fridays (not to be limited to knitting). Look forward to every Friday, when I will post a picture (and maybe even tutorials, if we're lucky) of a craft atrocity that should never be.

Here's a little appetizer to get the party started—a pattern from Bernat titled "cool camouflage pants", or what I like to call "the quickest way to the worst Jr. High experience EVAR":